Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
