if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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