Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
