If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
