dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
