Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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