remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
