Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
