im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
