Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
