Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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