You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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