Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
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