his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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