How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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