i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
