She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bring me that man meat
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
