just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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