When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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