I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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