just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
