Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
