I want to have your abortion
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
