I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize