I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
