So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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