She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
