i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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