I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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