Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
