I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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