Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
