My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
