"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
