Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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