I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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