forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
