Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
