My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
