I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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