you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
