4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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