all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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