Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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