Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
