Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
