Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
