I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
