I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
