Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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