I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
