You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
