I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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