billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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