My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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