my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
