Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
