I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
pray to the hookup gods
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
