I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
